It happened to me this week. I struggled through the first 30 pages of "Bone Magic" by Yasmine Galenorn then finally had to slam it down in disgust. Within 30 pages the main character, Camille and one of her lovers, Morio raise zombies, bring them down, go to a crime scene, eat snickers, take a shower/bath, make love, talk to her sisters, and so on and so on.
"What's wrong with that?" you ask. "Sounds action-packed." Yeah, it would be if I didn't get the feeling that the writer was trying way too hard. The characters didn't just walk, they tripped, stumbled, meandered, strolled and ambled. They also didn't just talk, they mumbled, murmured, yelled. You get the point. That thesaurus of hers was getting a workout! I was got the feeling that the writer really wants this series to become a movie, a la Underworld, she even named the alternate universe Otherworld. (hmmmm? <shakes head>). There is just too much packed into this book. There are vampires, werewolves, witches, fairies and even a ghost leopard (what?!) roaming these pages. Even how the good guys and bad guys are set up, there are acronyms for everything. Like FBH, OIA, OW, UAPT, I had to keep referring to the glossary in the back. See what I mean? There's even a glossary for this piece of crap. I think the writer was going "yeah, if I have a bunch of acrynoms and seals that are broken/going to be broken and that if it's a race against time and I make Camille big and brassy Time-Warner is bound to make a movie out of this. Then I'm rich biatch" (side note: do you miss The Dave Chappelle Show too?)
I guess Camille and her family are supposed to be hunting down some seals that the bad guys want too and if the seals get broken then the big big baddie will come. I don't know <shrugs>. Also, the love scenes (if I can call them that!) made me feel like a dirty fly on the wall. Almost felt like I had to take a shower afterwards... and not a cold one. A hot scalding one that would help burn the images out of my brain. Call me old-fashioned but I like it when the guy "tenderly brushed her hair back" or "she trembled at his touch". I like romantic love and what the writer described was no way romantic! Maybe she was trying to show the passion between the characters but I think she just went way too far. I could keep going with everything that's wrong with it but... See why I dropped it? All that within 30 pages!
This is a book where the writer put real feeling into it and it comes across to make you feel for the characters. This is a book where afterwards I said "that has got to be a movie" and guess what? It is! Although, boooo, Netflix doesn't carry it. I'm going to have to go hunt this one down. I've gotta have it!
If you have this movie will you send it to me? ;)
p.s. see Ms. Galenorn, a writer doesn't think about the movie first...it just happens if the writing is good enough!